some of the saddest phrases in the English language:
- but you promised
- ive never told anyone
- i can’t do it
- i tried
- i trusted you
- why did you do this to me
- why am i not good enough
- it still hurts
- i can’t keep pretending
(via wintersallure)
For someone who took you for granted and lost track of what real was I sure do have a lot of nightmares remembering what things once were. The occasional breakdown that doesn’t stop until 2am and the tears that just keep flowing. It doesn’t help that I get mad at myself for feeling incomplete alone. We enter this world alone and I’ve always been a loner, but then there was you. I feel even more pathetic to let you have become so ingrained, such a big part of who I am when I look at myself, and positively the best part of me. I took something so pure and beautiful and shit on it. A thousand times. Shit on it, put it in a bag, and left it burning at your doorstep creating a smell you couldn’t get rid of. A smell that haunts you and you get sick to your stomach just thinking of it. That’s me. That smell is me. Instead of overcoming situations or feelings I decided to play damaged. Too scared to end up like my parents, who loved each other, up until they hated each other. I thought I was too damaged to not explore. I thought I needed more life experiences or I would never make it in a marriage like my father. To not know what it feels like to be heartbroken , to be a single 21 year old girl or to just simply be alone. I went the wrong way about expressing this. I said let’s take a break instead of saying how I really feel. I said maybe we can make this work later on. I wasn’t trying. I was preoccupied being someone I wasn’t. I stringed you along. I gave you hope every time we talked. I said I miss you and how badly I wanted you. I knew you were good for me, my soul mate, and someone I’d never forget. When we were together I saw you as something angelic, something better than me and proud to have someone like you think I was worthy of your love. I’m sorry I wasted your time. I’m sorry for leaving you and allowing you to think you weren’t good enough. I know you’re overcoming this, that shit smell that is me. Maybe I’ll see you again one day. Talk to you without anger. I wish you were able to look back and smile at our time spent since neither of us will forget it. You will always be the smell I wish I could smell again and that smell that hits you when the wind blows knocking me to my feet.
